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Never Sugarcoated

Actual footage of me reading these bios. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

For me, the hardest part about online dating is taking a selfie that doesn’t resemble an oversized lawn gnome. The second hardest part is weeding out those sizzling-hot, ruby red flags. Nothing turns me on like vagueness and emotional unavailability.

Here you will find a collection of OkCupid profiles that intrigued me to the point of pursuing a relationship. These guys are still on the market, but be careful—they’ll steal your heart, money, self-esteem, and identity.

Mr. J

Photo by Museums Victoria on Unsplash

Ice packs
and heat pads

Missed days,
and sick days—
no time for
a fracture.

Get up and dance for us,
stand up and sing.
Don’t expect us
to help pay for a thing.

Your health is vital,
I promise we mean it.
We’ll make a mess
and then
force you
to clean it.

If you complain
that you’re living in pain,
we will remind you
that you are to blame.



and think it’s

Remember we own you—
you don’t have a choice.
You don’t deserve

Photo by Leah Kelley from Pexels

Burnt floors
and marked walls,
pinned and taped
and sanded
to fill
the gaps
of nights
I can’t

I long
to forget.

Shadows dance
by the doorway;
their broken songs
flow through
the empty space,
leaving me
to fill in
the blanks.

Eyes closed,
I feel the
of a girl
without her

She never
said no
to a good time,
or to
at all.

She was always
but never
her pain
was ever-present.
But she disappeared

Broken glass and withered roses, cracked and cold and lifeless like her body on…

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels | Edited by Never Sugarcoated

I am an addict. I know, I know, the term “addict” is questionable and outdated. But I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about me. And I identify as an addict.

When I first got sober, a friend asked me how I was sure I was an addict. Aside from regularly waking up in strange places, there was a distinct behavior pattern before, during, and after my addictive benders. Upon explaining this cycle to my friend, she never asked me if I was an addict again.

This is not a scientific explanation of addiction—it’s about as anecdotal as it gets…

Photo by Francesca Zama from Pexels | Edited by Never Sugarcoated

Pressed against
the steering wheel,
lifeless with a heartbeat.
Snow-covered streets
never turn down
a dare.

The cracks in
your foundation
glisten in
the rearview

Good thing
you can’t see.
It would have
your night

Your disease
from the bottle
beneath your seat,
you to come

But you sleep.

My friend,
you’re lost
trapped in
a cycle
that never

But I do.

I try so hard
to take your pain,
my fingers
bleed and scar—
daily reminders
of my failed
to lift you up

But the truth, white as…

Photo by Three-shots from Pexels | Edited by Never Sugarcoated

Photo by Paula Schmidt from Pexels

Your space cannot be filled.
It grows deeper
with each passing day
that you’re gone.

I can’t take it.

I pray to the
the moon,
and the sun,
and the stars,
help me fake it.

But I can’t.

You opened my eyes,
held me while I
wailed and cried
in your bed.
On a Wednesday,
no less.

You needed to sleep
but you stayed
by my side
I mourned.

Ten years
of our lives
a true friendship
was born.

And now I’m supposed to act normal?

I’m supposed to pretend
your departure is fine?

Show up to events…

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Suddenly, I’m awake.
The cold stings my skin,
Light pierces my eyes.
It hurts.

I can’t move,
I can’t speak,
Can’t go back
To my dreams.

I’m trying to save my life.

The knife of truth
Slices through
All the lies,
And it stings,
Like a thousand small
tears to my heart.

It won’t stop.

Is the reason
I’ve lived
My life
In a dream
Makes me feel

Is the pain so great
That I’ll cry if I feel it?

Will my body keel over
And die if I feel it?

The unknown scares me more Than…

Photo by Alex Knight from Pexels

After I broke up with alcohol, I felt like an alien species visiting Earth for the first time. It was like waking up during the season finale of a show I’d never seen, only to find out I was the main character. Oof.

Looking back on my early days of recovery, I was able to stay sober because I went out of my way to do things that made me uncomfortable. A wise, sober friend told me: you can’t change your life without changing your life.

I had three main fears about getting sober, aside from giving up my beloved…

Never Sugarcoated

Sobriety. Sex. Diet culture. Creative nonfiction. Poetry. Occasional satire. I also write confessional letters to people, places, and things. She/her.

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